Current time: 02-24-2018, 08:04 AM Hello There, Guest! (LoginRegister)
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Heard/read a good joke? Let's share it!
05-20-2011, 09:11 AM
Post: #1
A man was walking on the beach and found a lamp.

After a few quick rubs, the genie pops out and says that he will grant the man one wish.

The man thinks for a moment, then replies "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm terrified of flying, and I get violently seasick if I even think about getting on a boat, so I want a bridge built that will let me drive my car to the islands.

The genie's eyes widen in amazement. "But, jeez! Do you have any clue how hard that would be? Why, the water's miles deep out there! Imagine the size I'd have to make the pilings! Not to mention all the typhoons that rip through the Pacific. Nope, can't do it. Sorry, but you'll have to pick something else."

So the man shrugs and says, "Well, OK. How about this? I've been married four times, and divorced four times. I just can't figure women out. I want to be able to understand women. What makes 'em tick, what makes 'em happy, what they fear."

The genie nods and thinks for a moment before he responds: "So, should that bridge be two lanes or four?"

Real planes have propellers!
Reply
05-20-2011, 01:43 PM
Post: #2
Nice one Torx ..... :Big Grin:

Here we go next:
Quote: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY


Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

The Unlearned
Cool<br /><br />-- Fri May 20, 2011 1:50 pm --<br /><br />I thought this is funny too ........ :Big Grin:


Quote:A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital during Gulf War.

"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.

The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."

"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish." the soldier said.

The nurse took off her panties and the dying soldier kissed the flag.

"Thank you, nurse." he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"


The Unlearned
Cool

A Real Man Needs A "Big Stick" In Between Legs .....

BUT

Not The One Provided by BOEING ....
Reply
05-20-2011, 02:35 PM
Post: #3
Those laws are ironically are TRUE!
You'll smile but with a tinge of fear that it will NOT happen to you.. again!
I laugh really hard at the ".. so that I could kiss Bush too" line! OMG, I am ready for the weekend! :^^:
Thanks Bro drebarbus..! You have a great weekend too!

Real planes have propellers!
Reply
05-20-2011, 02:56 PM
Post: #4
This is another spare change for the weekend Bro Torx ........

Quote:A very prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking
of my own funeral... I'm a gynaecologist.

The Unlearned
Cool

A Real Man Needs A "Big Stick" In Between Legs .....

BUT

Not The One Provided by BOEING ....
Reply
05-20-2011, 03:34 PM
Post: #5
Now that is hillarious! :^^:
TQ Bro!<br /><br />-- Fri Jun 17, 2011 11:30 am --<br /><br />THE EMU


An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.43 please,'
and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'

The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..

'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.63.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress.

'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

-Author Unknown-

Real planes have propellers!
Reply


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)